Thursday, 31 March 2011

My Wife?

Has anyone seen my wife? She is currently somewhere in the world except not at my place. I last saw her on Tuesday evening before she went out to buy some smokes and whiskey. I don't know what to expect. See my wife Diva is quite the partier. She used to hang out with some guys that were into street racing (I think the one guys name is Ratzo; they used to date). She was selling meth and racing cars at the time to pay for her root canal. Sometimes she did both at the same time. You know how fucking hard it is to race a car and lead a meth transaction? Well my Diva can do it and she would be drunk off her knickers too. Like I said, she can party and does it often. She won't take me out though even when I ask...I don't usually mind though, it gives me a chance to comb Larry David. Sometimes we play a game where he runs around with a little hat and I chase him. And sometimes it doesn't work and he gets pissed and chases me. It's absolutely terrifying and I damn near shit my pants every time.

Anyways, so back to my wife. If she is dead from the whiskey and cruising into a pole, I'm sure I would have heard of it by now. There must be more to this. I see that she has a blog now too but I'm not sure if that's really her - The person has a picture of my wife in a gorgeous bathtub pose, but I have a feeling most people know her and have her picture. A lot of truckers and old men honk at us. So yeah if it's really her, she's hurt my feelings and there is only so much Larry will put up with. I have a dark love for revenge so keep that in mind people!! Don't even ask what I did to my neighbor after he called the ASPCA on me. I can be very gangster if the need arises.

Not sure if I should tell the guys at work. Moron Steven would probably say something and I would probably completely ignore him as usual. I nod, lock eyes for 30 seconds without blinking once and then turn away and back to him every 5 seconds or so, agree and disagree, occasionally throw out a statement but just repeat what he said; yet overall I pretend to listen. It's just a waste of everyone's time.

I would love for you guys to keep an eye out for my princess. Her favorite places to visit are rest stops. She says that they bring her an inner peace and enhance her meditation sessions. She also enjoys reading the graffiti in the mens bathroom. Such a love for art. So sweet :]

Luscious Larry


  1. She is calling you a loser! mannn

  2. Haha, I'll keep an eye out for her.

  3. I've got my eyes peeled my man!

  4. man, be careful! hope you find her!

  5. be careful man!!